World Hijab Day 2023 | Arrogance in Hijab
Hijab is a journey, no different than all acts of worship and devotion to the Creator. It has ups and downs, strong days, and not so much days. And at times, it is immune to wordly influences, while at others...well, let's just say the dunya sways it.
My personal journey wearing hijab starts in 6th grade in December of 1999, almost 24 years ago. We had moved to Jordan from the US and I decided I wanted to start wearing hijab like Allah (swt) commanded and to follow in my mothers' footsteps. I believe I was wearing a pair of khakis, an Arizona sweater, and of course, the iconic two-piece Amira hijab (with lace trim, of course).
Despite living in Jordan and going to a K-12 school, I was the only student wearing hijab at the time. I remember crashing into my friend super nervous and excited to share my next step with her. It took her a minute to recognize I was wearing hijab and not just a beanie or something. I have no clue what her reaction was, I imagine a congrats of some sort, but it didn't matter.
I was ecstatic.
As time passed, I progressed from the two pieces to squares and wraps to the rainbow-colored ribbon wraps to beautiful Turkish squares to living in jerseys to where I've settled for the past two to three years, crinkle hijabs. And throughout this time the way I covered my body also changed, it fluctuated - sometimes I covered more, and sometimes less loosely.
But about 7-8 years ago, I thought I made it hijab-wise. I wore abayas, usually with a jean jacket, and a hijab tightly wrapped around my neck (no draping over the front). But I felt like I made it. I didn't wear makeup, I wore abayas, I covered my neck and ears. There was no place for improvement.
Then I was exposed to women that took their hijab to a deeper level while attending Qalam. I was always surrounded by women who wore hijab but these women lived hijab. I learned more about the verses in the Quran that speak to hijab. And I realized, I was arrogant (may Allah (swt) forgive me).
I felt more achieved than women that covered in a different way. I felt better than - alhamdulilah, I never acted upon that feeling but I felt it. I had this deep-seated feeling that I was better than many Muslimahs because of my outwardly appearance.
As I started to reflect on this feeling, I started seeing all of the places I could work on my hijab and there were many (and still are many). Draping the scarf over my chest, loosening my abayas, loosening and lengthening my jean jacket, and most importantly, internalizing the shield that hijab is. Acting differently and seeking confidence and reassurance in Allah (swt), interweaving haya' and hijab.
Hijab linguistically is a barrier; it is a shield. It is protection. Protection from society, protection from mankind, protection from shaitan and maybe most importantly protection from our ever nagging nafs (our lower self). My hijab should have been a protection from arrogance as it served as a reminder of our obedience to the Almighty.
Every woman's journey to hijab is different, although we may all experience similar feelings and trials along the way. When building ALMAZ, there was a lot of intentionality in the tag phrase "Hijab Worthy Wearables". A Hijab Worthy Wearable is an item of clothing that facilitates wearing hijab. There is no one standard when it comes to Hijab Worthy Wearables as each of us is on her own journey to hijab and comes from her own place.
What has your journey with hijab taught you?
Kindly,
Dua
